and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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