I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
