WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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