YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
