a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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