did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
