So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
