1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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