i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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