my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
