Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
