i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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