Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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