I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
