Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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