HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
