Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
