i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Randomize
