Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
