My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize