And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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