So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
