hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
