i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
