Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
