first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
