dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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