Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
