highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize