You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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