I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
