oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
