At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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