my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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