but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize