Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
