where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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