My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
