The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
