why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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