This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She bit a glass in half.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
