it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
