Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize