This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
