Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
