You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
