I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
