this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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