i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
try to milk me bitch
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize