wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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