Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
pray to the hookup gods
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize