'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
