It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
