If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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