I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
