I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
