Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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