You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
