got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
