my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
