How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
