I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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