Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
