So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
