She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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