So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
