You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
